sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
