um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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