Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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