She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
