it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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