why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize