I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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