someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
