She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
