Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
