I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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