he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
