She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
