hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize