There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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