The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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