When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
