Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
