Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
