id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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