He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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