I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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