I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
