I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
