are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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