I think my fart just growled at me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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