The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize