I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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