College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
