i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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