on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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