Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
