Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
