I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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