What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
