Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
