I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
