theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
