is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
