dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
