it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
