i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
