just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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