In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
