I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
