she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
