I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
