everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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