the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
