I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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