I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
