His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
