i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
