Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
