drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
