I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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