I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
