She said her name was "party"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
