My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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