I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize