she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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