remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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