he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
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All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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