Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize