When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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