I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
