just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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