The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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