Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
