Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
