I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
