I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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